Pissed...

I do not know when it started, but i do realized that my temper has been pretty bad recently. I do not know what exactly happened to me, but this is bothering me.

Tinny Winny little things irritates me. It can be as simple as someone being late and not informing me, it can be someone acting cute and crapping away when we are having meetings, it can be someone giving me sloppy work.

Just like today, when paul asked me to pass the picture vba to their friends in my class, because they need help. I was pissed, very pissed. I do not see why i have to give my work, where i spent so much effort and time on it, and paul can just ask me to give it away. I have this notion, if i can do it, and find it, why can't they? are they looking for the easy way out or are they not looking hard enough? But even if they can't find it, simply basing it on my findings it on the internet after intensive search, it just says how shallow their search was. So what justification do i have to give it to them.

In fact, i was not so mad about the other group asking around for it. It's more of the inconsideration of paul. Am i his slave or what? That i have to listen to his bidding. What is he to go around telling people that i know it and i will send to them, without consulting me. What's more to even give my MSN address away. Is there any form of respect at all? When Paul apologises, i was kinda appeased. But when i see ping's mail asking me to send to kelvin (or whatever his name is), it blew me off. There's no explanation or whatsoever, why i should give it to them? Not even "will you mind". So again, am i their slave?

This is my work, not theirs. My effort, not theirs. What have they done with regards to this? I only say that i will help my group members, have i ever mention that this is free to circulate around. I even have to employ my boyfriend's help, ask him to read up vba for me. What for? To give it away to someone else? Why do i work so hard for? I starting to doubt. Should i even work hard. I have always been the one working hard, but who claims the credit? Not me. I doubt people will even acknowledge my effort, as compared to theirs. When they get the grades, they will just go about how good they are... So why am i working my arse off for people?

Back to the issue, if they were to ask me, there may still be a possibility of me giving it to them, especially if they were my friend. But do i know them? I do not. They sit behind me, have they ever talk to me? No. I do not even know what kind of person they are? There's no expectation at all that i should give it to them. We may not even be aquaintance. So what the fuck.

You guys just pissed me off again... (i think this is valid)

I do not care if anyone says i'm selfish. This is my boyfriend and my work, and i have control over it. No one can ask me to do anything, because this is mine. It belongs to me and my boyfriend. Not them.